


I have nothing

by LordTraco



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: I want them to deal with this together, Look I saw no tags for Davenport and Taako and this needed to be remedied stat, They both lost EVERYTHING in different ways, ending spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-01-04 07:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12164634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordTraco/pseuds/LordTraco
Summary: The question isn't who lost more on that day, only how they would move forward with the knowledge returned to each of them.This is a simple proposal of how the Twin and the Wordless One find some solace after the war is finally won.





	1. I have nothing

When they won, it was fantastic. It wasn’t until the day after that everything crashed down. The loss, endless, crippling loss. So much death, so much running, so many happy memories lost for so long…  
  
The realization how much had been forgotten, how long he’d acted as a lonely, untrusting loner… how long he’d been lonely… how much he’d lost… the realization of how truly unknowingly broken he’d been.  
  
“Taako, I love Barry with all my heart but… You _are_ my heart.”  
  
Sobs cracked through Taako at the memory and her smiling face. It was true in reverse and… he’d forgotten Lup. He’d forgotten his sister. It was unforgivable.  


Tiny footsteps could be heard from the hallway, but Taako didn’t look up until they stopped at the doorway. The duality of knowing exactly whose footstep it was almost intimately, but also… not, almost terrified him. Yet it was always going to be that way now. Life would be eternal déjà vu. Knowing things, knowing people, knowing and knowing and knowing until…

A small hand was on his shoulder as Taako trembled. It brought him back from the almost terrifying flood of memories that threatened to engulf him.  
  
And as he looked up, it was Davenport. Cap’nport.

“You alright?” Came a voice part of Taako rejoiced to hear form syllables different from his own name. “Taako?” Came another nudge.

“No.” His voice caught in his throat. _I’m Taako!_ was what he meant to follow up with, but the truth stung. The fact that truth so easily slipped through stung. What happened to trusting no one? Being vulnerable with nobody? What happened to him?

“Bud, I know this is tough. I… I want to ask something of you, Taako.”

“What?” Taako tried not to snarl.

“I’m pissed, alright. I want to… Well the judges weren’t wrong in saying wrath is my sin, okay? Promise me… that you won’t hurt Lucretia if I won’t.”

“Tryin’ for a mutiny to take back the… the ship there?” Taako tried to joke, falling short of a smile. He still felt so… empty about Lucretia. Like the umbra staff had come back and swallowed up every last emotion he felt about his… his other sister, his ultimate betrayer, his boss, his friend.

“She took everything from me, Taako. Everything I’d worked for and built up to, the only family I ever had…” He put a hand in Taako’s and it felt so comforting that the elf didn’t pull away. “I won’t compare it to what she took from you but… You and me? She took the most from us. I’m scared, man, I don’t want to hurt anyone but I’m so mad and the only thing stopping me is knowing that someone else has lost just as much and is… keeping it cool so… promise?”

“Promise to stop you if you go hulk mode?”

“I don’t know what that is but no just… promise if either of us wants revenge we do it together. And if we forgive, we do it together. I just… I don’t want to be on my own, you know?”

“I feel you, man.”

And with that, Taako more felt than saw the tension evaporate off the gnome. He slumped against Taako’s shoulder, hand still in his. It wasn’t weird or embarrassing, just… normal. It was the calming gesture they always took up in silence when any of the others died, when the crushing Magnus hugs and wise advice of Lucretia and Merle stopped helping, when the silly Lup jokes only brought more tears and Barry’s games of distraction only brought on more emptiness. When all that was needed was some comfortable silence, a hand gently held in such a way as never to insinuate neither could leave… That’s when Davenport and Taako would find each other.

And they did now. The day after their greatest triumph, five birds celebrated as happily as they dared, while two nestled on a wire together. Tomorrow Davenport would begin looking for his own ship to command. Tomorrow Taako would take out Kravitz for a well deserved, long awaited date. Tomorrow they would smile. Tomorrow they would cheer. Tomorrow the two birds would chirp just as loudly in tune with the happy world.

But today.  
Today they would just… rest.

The two who lost everything took a quiet day to reclaim it all back. In a way, it was like Lup and Barry becoming liches together. The wrath over what had occurred could have taken and destroyed them. But it didn’t.

Because each of them felt the weight of a hand on theirs, linking to someone who had faced something similar. And instead of acting on that rage, that hand remained, betraying the heartbeat of another soul which chose trust and care over hatred and grief.

If it were Lup, Taako knew he’d be thanking her right now.  
  
Davenport remembered quiet nights like this, broken with solemn thank yous exchanged between him and Lucretia.  
  
Neither of them needed to say a thing, though. The quiet was filled with thankfulness.

Tomorrow they would laugh.  
But today, they would simply rest.


	2. The waters before port

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport's move towards his next birthday, towards confiding in others, towards learning how to use a stone of farspeech correctly, and perhaps towards forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this written up for the past forever, and now that I've finally gotten the next chapter done, it's about time I actually post this! So double update for you all!

Time moved forward, strangely as ever.

Sometimes Davenport would look to the sky and bite down that instinctive paranoia learned those last 100 years. That terror at the back of your neck of endless watching eyes and shadows far, far too colorful… It came hand in hand with terror that he’d lose all memories, all ability to speak again.

 

And in those times, he spoke the most calming name he could, the name he longed for 10 long years to articulate…

“Lucretia”

He’d picked up from Taako’s reactions that they were two sides of a coin… completely opposite faces of a reasonable reaction. For Taako, it was only confusion and a muddled mess of emotions too exhausting to face, so he just… didn’t. Davenport, in contrast, felt a single, distinct pang of rage at the mention of her name.

 

It was a single word adrenaline boost. Perhaps not… calming, but distracting. The wrath induced by hearing that name could pull him out of any indescribable terror.

His crewmates soon learned of it. They joked that he was turning a lost lover into a swear word but… thanks to the voidfish light, they all knew the truth. At least they were kind enough never to bring it up.

 

Davenport, out at sea, was doubly adrift in his own mounting thoughts. He longed to rant it all out to a listening ear like he would with Lup. She always was the best to talk to when upset with the other crew… Her playful suggestions to blow things up always soothed something silently aggressive in him.

 

It took days to accrue the courage, but soon he did it. Davenport turned to his stone of far speech.

“Hello?” He said into it, unsure which frequency it was on at this point.

 

“Cap’nport? How’s it hangin’?” How in the world he managed to reach Merle, Davenport would never know.

 

“Oh, hey. I’m coming back to a nearby port soon and I was wondering if you’ve heard from any of the others lately?”

 

There was a soft “oof” in the background which got a hearty laugh from Merle. “Oh, naw, haven’t heard much from the others. They’re off doing their own thing I guess.”

 

“Merle how many times have you checked your stone?”

 

“…Oh, not often. Actually it might have been off for the last…sixmonthsbutyouknow what? I’m sure everything’s fine. Was there someone you needed, I can patch you through?”

 

“Actually I was looking for Lup.”

 

“We didn’t lose her again to another umbrella, did we?”

 

“I sure hope not!” Davenport gave a little chuckle.

 

“Alright lemme juuuuust—“

“Hello?” came the absolute last voice Davenport wanted to hear.

 

“Wrong stone.” Davenport said with a calmness he surely didn’t feel.

 

“Oh… well it is good to hear from you.” Lucretia said with sad dejection.

 

“I don’t… forgive you yet. But I am coming into port soon if you want to come to my birthday party. Please patch me through to Lup.” He said, slumping to his knees. It took such effort not to rip into her, rail off everything that hurt about her betrayal…

 

“Oh… Of course. I will bring a gift. Let me pass you along then.—“

“Ey what’s up, Cap’n?” Lup answered almost immediately.

 

“Just the lich I wanted to talk to!”

 

“Itching to talk some drama? Took you long enough!” There was the distinct sound of her flopping onto a bed. Wait.

 

“Wait are you corporeal again?”

 

“Yeah, man, have been for months now!”

And so, on that gently swaying sea, the wordless one was anything but wordless with the twin.

They talked and talked until the gnome longed for starlight and fresh air. And upon reaching the deck and looking up to the vast expanse of gently twinkling stars, he recounted all the constellations, both new and old that he swore he saw in this beautiful night sky. He could tell Lup was biting her tongue to not correct him (mostly from the “ow” that followed), and appreciated it.

When the sun came up, it was clear they’d probably talked too long.

“Hey, Cap’nport? I’m gonna go get some chow but… you remember when we made that promise not to lose ourselves to hopelessness all those years ago?”

 

“How could I not?”

 

“Well… I know how many years it took you to get over the stove explosion grudge against Magnus.”

 

“And then you when you admitted it was your fault, yes.”

 

“I’ll never understand how you thought Magnus burnt the stove, but anyways! Lucretia won’t lose hope of earning your trust again no matter what, so take as long as you need, alright?”

 

“Trying to say not to worry about the person who took away everything from me? Do I sound like I care about her?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“WELL I DON’T WANT TO!” Davenport yelled, turning off the stone with a grumble. She'd understand the outburst, but he made note to apologize later.

It was true… he cared and it hurt because he wanted to just forgive already… but it wasn’t so simple. Emotions were still so raw. But… there was no rush. Lucretia wouldn’t give up if it had to take a while to sort out the emotions…

Davenport sighed in absolute relief. There was no rush to forgive. The pressure was lifted and suddenly it didn’t feel quite as important to hold onto the grudge. There was no longer any presumed ticking time bomb when she would give up on him or herself. It made him proud of that little journal keeper in his heart of hearts. It made him pleased to know she valued him enough to keep trying. But most of all it simply set his heart at ease.

That morning, his new crew noted that the captain was decidedly happier and brighter. It gave way to broodiness the likes of which they’d dealt with a lot as the day progressed for the gnome who hadn’t slept, but that happy morning was almost worth it. 


	3. Coalescing Tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako's reluctant path towards dealing with that which he'd rather forget entirely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I just really wanted to write an extremely emotionally broken Taako and that's what brought me to write this chapter and finish the last one... so if he sounds ooc, it's because I was writing self-indulgent angst at 1am last night. Hope you enjoy regardless!

Taako was distant. As distant as Davenport was physically, Taako was distant mentally. He threw himself into the present. His boyfriend, his sister, his brand, his cooking, his magic, anything and everything that he could claim as his. He clutched tight for a short while, terrified everything could be lost again.

 

The very question “Who?” coming out of his lips terrified him, and so he worked hard to memorize names and faces as he never had during the hundred years… 

 

But it all became exhausting… Kravitz only put up with the clinginess for about a week before demanding they talk about it. Taako only backpedalled. Closed up. And went back to a polite level of cling.

 

And as he loosened his grasp on all he feared losing, Taako saw how they remained. How there was nothing to fear. How his sister still called him every night to call him a goober and say she was safe. Even when she knew Kravitz was sleeping over.

 

Especially when they were in the middle of something. She could have really good (terrible) timing. Probably on purpose.

 

But he remained distant. He wouldn't talk about that sister-less era, avoided umbrellas as “fashion disasters for people who can be bested by rain”, and whenever confronted would blink away.

 

His preoccupation with the present worked for the most part, at least until that present involved the anniversary of that time.

 

Davenport’s birthday. That’s all it ever should have been. 

 

“Hey, uh… happy almost birthday, Cap’nport!” Taako finally brought himself to say into the stone of far speech.

 

“Taako! How’ve you been?” Davenport replied after a second, ignoring the birthday talk. He was dreading it. Coming back to port and having that awkward time of Lucretia giving some overly thoughtful gift and looking with those pitiful eyes that begged hopelessly for forgiveness both weren't sure she deserved.

 

“Hey can we…” Taako wrung his hands, fidgeting in stress. “Talk?”

 

“Damn have I been using this wrong? I thought we were talking.” Davenport said with a bit of snark.

 

“Ass.”

 

“Talk, man, I'm listening.”

 

A sigh could be heard from the other end as Taako brought to the forefront the thoughts he had been repressing for so long. But he’d promised Kravitz and Lup… Independently… to talk out what he’d been bottling up.

 

“I just… it hurt, Dav… I thought of Lucree as my other sis for a while, you know? A long damn fucking while. A-and…” He went quiet, willing himself not to allow his tears to fall or make a sound.

 

“A long ass while.” Davenport agreed encouragingly. He absentmindedly rubbed the stone as if it could offer physical comfort.

 

“I… I want to be her friend again, Dav… I wanna hear her say I make a baller cookie. But I know now that she’d… she’d throw me away. Throw us all away if she thought it best. She’d take everything from me, leave me to rot in guilt and shame and loneliness a-and…” Taako paused to take a raspy breath. “F-fuck it all.” He said in a small sob so broken it reminded Davenport of the first couple times Lup had died on their journey.

 

Davenport opened his mouth to speak. But what could he say? It was a shitty situation that'll never come up again? She didn't realize the consequences of her actions? Those felt like he was taking a side, as true as they were.

 

“I'm here.” Davenport said solemnly. It was all he could say, and yet in retrospect, perhaps it was the best thing to say. “I'm here.”

 

Taako turned off the stone of far speech for a good minute as he let out loud sobs, then returned more composed. “Thanks.”

 

“You're always welcome, Taako. I… I feel like I lost everything but my personality back then. I couldn't speak but people took the time to hear me… I wish they'd done the same for you, but since they didn't. I'm here.”

 

“Dav? Be honest with me do… do you think I deserve to be heard?”

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

“Would you… come with me to talk things out with Lucretia when you're back?”

 

“I was hoping to ask you that, honestly!”

 

“Really?”

 

“Well sure! I figure it’s about time we tell her off for all the shit she did and stop those puppy dog eyes of hers!” the Captain said, “And get back that less insane friend-sis.”

 

“I'll make cookies!”

 

“Good call I'll bring booze.” Davenport said with a laugh. 

 

“Are we gonna get hammered before or after-”

 

“Yes!”


	4. The Day (which was probably a tuesday)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This small chapter was brought to you by finals induced procrastination. Enjoy!

The day arrived.

No cataclysmic event rained down from the heavens. No dark technicolor eldritch soup poured its temples into the kind, foggy earth. The trees that came closer as they neared port did not lose their vibrance. In fact, their green hues only grew more vivid as the ship grew closer in the early morning fog.

Davenport let out a sigh he’d been secretly holding an entire year. This place really was a forever home. He wasn’t going to have to lose his new crew, his new friends, his new life! Nothing was going anywhere.

Stepping off of the ship and onto the solid dock almost solidified this. He’d been on that rocking, ever changing ocean for nearly a full year. He couldn’t tell when a wave was coming or a storm might suddenly strike or the winds would turn against them. Now, on solid earth, nothing seemed so wobbly or uncertain anymore.

He felt like crying. He felt like screaming for joy. But right now he had to help prep the boat and remain in captain form until the very end.

When one very perceptive sailor came down, she gave him a pat on the shoulder and a thumbs up. “Happy birthday, Cap’n!” She said with a toothy grin. Davenport hadn’t told anyone, but of course his navigator always made sure to keep up to date with birthdays and holidays, constantly checking weather forecasts and dates.

And that got the ball rolling, of course. Davenport was extremely thankful his navigator hadn’t planned a mutiny, because this birthday celebration came completely out of nowhere. Gifts were mainly of money, liquor, or tiny trinkets, and by the end of it, Davenport had tears falling down onto his bright smile.

Leaving his crew of a hundred years hadn’t been his choice last birthday. This birthday, it was his choice. It had been this day that he’d set for their voyage to end. Sure they could come back together for another trip but…

But this time he was in control. This time he was a captain in the end, and remaining a captain. Nevermore would or could that title be taken from him.

And so he wept and gave hugs or pats to any of his crew that liked such things, and praised the gifts of those of the crew who preferred not to be touched. He truly loved them all, and in noticing this, he realized he still would always love his main crew.

Barry and Lup may have been the two who expressed the love they felt in the most traditional sense, but his group of seven shared one tremendous beating heart, supporting and fueling and communicating for an incomprehensibly long amount of time. That heart had fractured through desperation and betrayal, but it was mending.

“Lucretia.” He said softly as the party disbanded and Davenport headed towards the nearest inn. The name lost its bite and novelty only weeks ago. Now it was just a name and a longing. A longing to reunite and to forgive.

The captain never forgot a promise, though. Thankfully the elf he needed to discuss said promise with met him outside the inn.

“So I brought even _more_ booze home than expected! Still up for talking shit out with her?”

“Not in the slightest, my man! But it’ll get Lup and Krav off my back so might as well.”


End file.
